A RESCUE BID!!!

Simple Steps to Hone Your Sense of Humor

Countless studies have shown that one of the most likeable qualities a person can have is a good sense of humor. So here are five simple steps to hone yours. They come from stand-up comedian Wayne Cotter, and Jonathan Groff – a producer for the sitcom “How I Met Your Mother.” We found these courtesy of Rodale publishing.
Comedy Rule #1: Economize. Any good storyteller can tell you that the longer you talk, the bigger your payoff needs to be. That same rule applies to telling jokes which means you don’t want to spend 2 whole minutes building up to a quick 2 word punch line! So keep your jokes as short and sweet as possible.
Comedy Rule #2: Narrate. Jerry Seinfeld had one of the most popular shows on TV for 10 years doing this. Instead of giving us half an hour of random one liners, he gave us witty, subtle commentary on the world around us. Like poking fun at coffee table books, puffy shirts, or people who say “yada yada” all the time. So narrate the humorous actions we go through in life, and make fun of yourself too.
Never say up front, “this is really funny.” Any professional comic will tell you that it’s up to your audience to decide what’s funny or not.
Be patient. Chances are you’ve got a few silly stories up your sleeve, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be funny to ALL people ALL the time. So bite your tongue, and have a little faith that your moment in the sun will come. Otherwise, your funny story might land with a thud – with you having one of those: “Well, you had to be there” moments. Those are NEVER funny.
Shake things up. In other words, don’t be “that guy” who delivers the same old zingers at every single party. Go to the well too many times, and sooner or later it’s bound to come up dry! So learn a few new jokes, and keep them fresh and topical. Never, ever, try to force the funny when a situation calls for being more serious.

Source: net

"Body Oddity"

Have you ever wondered why your eye suddenly starts twitching uncontrollably or why you sometimes start sneezing and can't stop? Here are the answers to a few “body oddity” questions.

First, it’s not sneezing, it’s “sternutation” and experts say it’s designed to remove irritants from your nose. Basically, dust particles lodged in your nose trigger the production of histamine – which causes your brain to produce a sneeze. Your brain won’t give up until it thinks the invader has been blown out.

What about that eye twitch? It’s usually a spontaneous spasm of muscles caused by fatigue, stress, or too much caffeine. Twitches can last from a few seconds to a few hours. The fix: Relax, get some rest, and put down the cappuccino!

Hiccups. They’re caused by a contraction in your diaphragm, which causes your lungs to inhale suddenly, and sets off a chain reaction of hiccups. Your airway opens and closes quickly, halting the flow of air and snapping your vocal cords shut, creating the characteristic “hic.” That’s why holding your breath or drinking a glass of water can break the chain of events.

What causes “brain freeze?” That killer headache you get from eating ice cream. Basically, the roof of your mouth gets too cold, so your body sends a burst of warming blood toward your mouth, and the nerves transmit that as pain. The fix: Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth to heat the area up fast.

Courtesy of AOL.com.

फिर हेरा फेरी PHIR HERA PHERI

Synopsis:
We all remember the trio of 'Hera Pheri', Baburao, Raju, and Shyam who rose from rags to riches...! Still, money brings the joy of riches and with it the greed to make more money. So as each one is looking for investment options, Raju who's always quick to spot ways of making easy money scouts out for an option that promises to double the investment. The only hitch is the minimum investment required is beyond what the trio saved in the last outing. You can trust Raju to come out with a solution. He ably ropes in a couple of unwitting investors adds it with another interesting jape without an inkling that it'll blow on his face, to come up with the number. Now will these riches double or get them into trouble...? Wait to watch a rib-tickling, non-stop laughter riot to find for yourself. Add to this the comic presence & performances of Jhonny Lever & Rajpal Yadav. Let's share a little secret here: Rajpal is one of the investor. And the poor man has borrowed money from a Don. And the Don's totla played by the versatile, Sharad Saxena.

EZ money making tips!

You Can Get Paid to Have an Ad Placed On Your Car:

If you’re a fan of NASCAR, you’re familiar with advertisements plastered all over cars. Well guess what: You don’t have to be Dale Earnhardt Jr. to get paid to put ads on your wheels! In fact, thousands of motorists have registered to have their cars and trucks wrapped in ads. Why? Because they can get up to $800 a month for their trouble – or even a free car! According to The New York Times, vehicle wrapping started in 1993, when PepsiCo paid for the rights to put its logo on six city buses in Seattle. Instead of spending six weeks to paint the buses, they used a vinyl material that could be applied in hours. It has a removable adhesive like Post-It notes, so the vinyl strips don’t stick until pressure is applied and it won’t hurt the paint job. Since then, vinyl ads have been wrapped around racecars, helicopters, boats, planes, billboards and even buildings.


So what’s in it for the companies? Cheap advertising! It costs about $5,000 for a company to wrap your Camry in its ad, and they’ll pay you up to $800 a month. That may seem steep, but in the grand scheme of advertising, it’s a bargain, considering a single vehicle’s ad is viewed an estimated 70,000 times a day by motorists and pedestrians. Generally, your car qualifies if it’s big enough for a sizable ad, and is no more than five years old. They pick drivers based on demographics. In other words, say they’re advertising laundry detergent, and you match their demographic of stay-at-home moms with kids who play sports. Your car could be wrapped in a Tide banner. You’d be instructed to park outside whenever possible, especially in places where a lot of people go, like malls, and refrain from smoking, littering or swearing in your vehicle. You’d also have to send frequent reports with photographs to show where your car has been, and avoid parking near the competition. For example, if your car was advertising Coke, you’d be advised not to drink Pepsi behind the wheel, and not park near restaurant chains like KFC or Pizza Hut, which serve Pepsi products exclusively.

Turn your car into a rolling billboard (for money!):
http://www.freecarmedia.com
http://www.autowraps.com
http://www.myfreecar.com

हास्ने हो?

चुप चुप के हिन्दी कमेडी फिल्म को केहि झलकहरु ! पूरा फिल्म अर्को अंकमा;

चौतारीबासी भउतेको चर्तिकला -३!

ओइ! तेरो बाउ खोइ?


उहिले भउते अलिक जवान छँदैको कुरो हो, त्यतिबेला भउते नामूद जंड्याहामा गनिन्थ्यो । हुन पनि उस्लाई जाँड नखाई नहुने । गाउँ भरी रक्सी खाएर उधारो माग्न कसैलाई बाँकी राखेन। लमिनि दीदिले पनि कतिन्जेल धानुन्, धेरै भएपछि त्यहाँ पनि उधारो दिन बन्द भयो। जाँड खाएर रात दिन हल्लिए सी खल्तिमा पैसा भएन । जाँड खानलाई पैसा नभएर घरको सामान पनि बेच्न भ्याए हाम्रा भउतेले । अर्थोक गरुन पनि के गरुन त्यो भन्दा बाहेक अर्को विकल्प थिएन । घरको सामान पनि बेचिसकेपछि केइ सीप चलेन भउतेको। उसले अनेक बहानाबाजी गरे, नाटक गरेर पैसा झार्न नसके पछि भगवानको शरणमा जाने निधो गरे । त्यो डाँडाको पल्लो छेउमा हालको हाम्रो यही चौपारी नजिकै एउटा मन्दिर थियो। त्यस मन्दिरमा एउटा ठूलो हनुमानको मुर्ति थियो ।

त्यसदिन भउते मात्तेकै सुरमा मन्दिर पुग्यो । अनि उसले हनुमानको मूर्ति अगाडि हात जोडेर प्रार्थना भन्ने कि के भन्ने गर्न बस्यो। जाँड खाएकै तालमा भन्दै थियो, "हेर्नुस् भगवान, ह्याँ पनि घोर कलियुग लागेछ। केइ नभेर अब मैले यो गाउँमा उधारो पाम्नै छडिसकें । त्यो लमिनि दीदिले समेत नपत्याम्ने भए । यस्तो पनि हुन्छ त। घरको भाँडाकुँडा पनि सकिइ सक्यो । अब मैले कि त अर्काको चोर्नु पर्‍यो, कि त जाँड खान छोड्नु परो। चोर्न त म जाँदै जान्न, मरि गए जान्न। तर... यो जाँड पनि त छाड्न सक्तिन। म त चाइने जो तपाईंको शरणमा आको छु। अब हजूरले नै मलाई पार लाउनु परो। भोलि म फेरि आउँछु त्यति बेला मलाई केइ पैसा दिलाइदिनु पर्छ । होइन भने म ... म... तिम्रो यो मूर्ति-सूर्ति फूटाइ दिन्छु।" मान्छे बहुलासि के लाग्छ र। नानाभाँति भनेर फर्कियो । ती सबै कुरा त्यो मन्दिरको पूजारी बाले भित्रबाट सुनिराखेको रहेछ । पूजारीबालाई पर्नु पिर पर्‍यो के गर्ने भनेर । आखिर उनले पनि एउटा उपाय निकाले ।

भोलिपल्ट भउते रङ्गिन भएर ढल्मलिंदै मन्दिर पुग्यो । फेरि त्यो दिन पनि हनुमानको अगाडि बसेर आफ्नो गुनासो पोख्न थाले, "हेर्नुस् भगवान, यो मान्छेको जात नै बैगुनी, जति धोके पनि नपुग्ने। आज पनि मैले ढाँटेर पिउनु परो, यसरी कती दिन चल्ने ? तपाईं आफैं भन्नु त यो पनि राम्रो हो र ? अब मैले हिजै भनेको थिएँ मेरो लागि पैसाको बन्दोबस्त गरिदिनु पर्‍यो प्रभु।" भनेर ढोगे। मूर्तिको पछाडि लुकेर बसेका पूजारीबाले फुत्त दश रुपैयाँ दाम फालिदिए। जब भउतेले टाउको उठायो , आफ्नो अगाडि पैसा देखेर दङ्ग पर्‍यो; "ओहो, कस्तो आश्चार्य। मैले पैसा फेला पारें । धन्य प्रभुको लीला । अब यसैगरी सधैं हजूरको निगाह ममाथि परोस्। म सदैव हजूरको शरणमा हुनेछु। मैले के भनी राख्नु पर्ला र मेरो पीर मर्का सबै तपाईंलाई थाहै छ। जे होस् यसरी नै मेरो खर्चको जोहो भैराखोस्, नत्र ...।" जाँदाजाँदै उसले धम्किको भाषा प्रयोग गर्न पनि भ्यायो भउतेले । पछाडि बसेर सुनिराखेको पूजारीलाई अर्को आपत पर्‍यो । उनले शायद यो समस्या एकचोटीलाई हो भन्ने ठानेका थिए तर उसले भउतेबाट यति सजिलै छुटकारा पाउँला भन्ने आश लागेन । तैपनि पूजारीबाले राम्रै हुने सोचेर चुपचाप बसे । भोलिपल्ट पनि भउते मातेर आयो। भगवानलाई ढोगेर उठ्ता भउतेले पैसा भेट्टायो, ऊ मख्ख पर्‍यो, तर धम्काउन छाडेन । एवंरीतले हप्ता हुँदै महिना नै बित्यो, भउते मन्दिर आउने क्रम छुटेन । अब भने पूजारीलाई साँच्चिकै अप्ठेरो पर्‍यो, यसरी कति दिन चलाउने भनेर किनकि भउतेले पैसा पाएन भने मन्दिरमा भएको हजारौं पर्ने मूर्ति फुटाल्ने खतरा भइ नै रह्यो । भउतेबाट छुटकारा पाउन अब केइ न केइ गर्नु पर्छ भन्ने लाग्यो पूजारीबालाई र अन्तमा जुक्ति पनि फुराए । उनले त्यो ठूलो हनुमानको मूर्तिको साटो त्यस्तै खालको सानो मूर्ति राखिदिए मन्दिरमा । आर्को दिन पनि हाम्रा भउतेको मात्तिदैं सवारी भयो मन्दिरमा । उसले यताउति नजर लगायो कहिं पनि हनुमानको मूर्ति भेटेन । केहिबेरको अलमल पछि उसले सानो हनुमानको मूर्ति त्यहाँ भएको थाहा पायो। भउते त्यो सानो मूर्तिको अगाडि बस्यो र मूर्तिको कान नजिकै गएर सानो स्वरमा सोध्यो,"ओइ! तेरो बाउ खोइ?"

चौतारी उखान टुक्काहरु !!!

चल्तिमा रहेका केही चर्चित चौतारी उखान टुक्काहरु :

१- जिम्मालको नलिखुट्टो १२ बर्स ढुङ्रोमा राखे नि बाङ्गाको बाङ्गै।
२- आफै त ठुल्दाइ उत्तानो टाङ, कसले दिने भाङ ।
३- काम पाइनस पुन्टे, धोबिनी जिस्क्याउनी ।
४- काम कुरो एकातिर, साली खोज्न चौतारी तिर।
५- उसै त मास्टर्नी दिदी, सालीले जिस्क्याकी।
६- जुन साली आए नि जिजु-फोबिया।
७- आउन्न आउन्न लोकचार, आयो लेख्यो माना-चार।
८- बुझ्न जान्दैन, चौतारी टेढो।
९- बुझ्नेलाई चौतारी, नबुझ्नेलाई पँधेरो।
१०- एक बिर्की रउसीमा डुबेर मर्नु।
११- भउतेले जिस्क्याको मुन्छे, जिम्माल बा देखे नि तर्सन्छ।
१२- रात रहे अर्गाठ पलाउँछ, सुकुटी रहे ढुँसी पलाउँछ।
१३- नेपालमा लड्की छन्, रुम मेरो रित्तै।
१४- कुम्ले जस्तै सोझो (हँसिया जस्तै सोझो)।
१५- साली खोज्न छैन, भउतेका पछि दुकुर्नी।
१६- पुन्टेको खुट्टा, पिए पनि लर्खराउनी, नपिए नि लर्खराउनी।
१७- जहाँ जाला भउते, साली नै जिस्क्याउला।
१८- तितौरी हराए झैँ हराउनी।
१९- जिम्माल बुढो, निशे तन्नेरी।
२०- ठूलीका गाला, टोके नि रातै नटोके नि रातै।
२१-
श्रोत: साझा डट कम, संकलक:भउते
केहि थप उखानहरू
२२- तोङबाले जिब्रो डाम्या भउते बियर नि फुकि फुकि पिउंच। (संकलक:अंतरे)

Dubai; Then, Now & Future!

Something Americans should ponder as they pump gas in their SUV's and speed down the highways...
Here's where your $$$ goes...

As their oil reserves are rapidly being depleted, UAE is trying to diversify into a new business to replace oil...tourism. Looks like they have a plan!


Dubai in 1990


The same street in 2003


Last year


The madness. Dubai is said to currently have 15-25% of all the world's cranes .


The Dubai Waterfront. When completed it will become the largest waterfront development in the world .


All of this was built in the last 5 years, including that island that looks like a palm tree.


The Palm Islands in Dubai. New Dutch dredging technology was used to create these massive man made islands. They are the largest artificial islands in the world and can be seen from space. Three of these Palms will be made with the last one being the largest of them all.


Upon completion, the resort will have 2,000 villas, 40 luxury hotels, shopping centers, movie theaters, and many other facilities. It is expected to support a population of approximately 500,000 people. It is advertised as being visible from the moon.


The World Islands. 300 artificially created islands in the shape of the world. Each island will have an estimated cost of $25-30 million.


The Burj al-Arab hotel in Dubai. The worlds tallest hotel. Considered the only '7 star' hotel and the most luxurious hotel in the world. It stands on an artificial island in the sea.


Hydropolis, the world's first underwater hotel. Entirely built in Germany and then assembled in Dubai, it is scheduled to be completed by 2009 after many delays.


The Burj Dubai. Construction began in 2005 and is expected to be complete by 2008.At an estimated height of over 800 meters, it will easily be world's tallest building when finished. It will be almost 40% taller than the current tallest building, the Yaipei 101.


This is what downtown Dubai will look like around 2008-2009. More than 140 stories of the Burj Dubai have already been completed. It is already the worlds tallest man made structure and it is still not scheduled to be completed for at least another year.


The Al Burj. This will be the centerpiece of the Dubai Waterfront. Once completed it will take over the title of the tallest structure in the world from the Burj Dubai.


Recently it was announced that the final height of this tower will be 1200 meters. That would make it more than 30 percent taller than the Burj Dubai and three times as tall as the Empire State Building.


The Burj al Alam, or The World Tower. Upon completion it will rank as the world's highest hotel. It is expected to be finished by 2009. At 480 meters it will only be 28 meters shorter than the Taipei 101.


The Trump International Hotel & Tower, which will be the centerpiece of one of the palm islands, The Palm Jumeirah.



Dubailand. Currently, the largest amusement park collection in the world is Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, which is also the largest single-site employer in the United states with 58,000 employees.

Dubailand will be twice the size.



Dubailand will be built on 3 billion square feet (107 miles^2) at an estimated $20 billion price tag. The site will include a purported 45 mega projects and 200 hundred other smaller projects.


Dubai Sports City. A huge collection of sports arenas located in Dubailand.


Currently, the Walt Disney World Resort is the #1 tourist destination in the world. Once fully completed, Dubailand will easily take over that title since it is expected to attract 200,000 visitors daily.


The Dubai Marina is an entirely man made development that will contain over 200 highrise buildings when finished. It will be home to some of the tallest residential structures in the world. The completed first phase of the project is shown. Most of the other high rise buildings will be finished by 2009-2010.


The Dubai Mall will be the largest shopping mall in the world with over 9 million square feet of shopping and around 1000 stores. It will be completed in 2008.


Ski Dubai, which is already open, is the largest indoor skiing facility in the world. This is a rendered image of another future indoor skiing facility that is being planned.




Some of the tallest buildings in the world, such as Ocean Heights and The Princess Tower, which will be the largest residential building in the world at over a 100 stories, will line the Dubai Marina.The UAE Spaceport would be the first spaceport in the world if construction ever gets under way.

And ... The Dubai Metro system, once completed, will become the largest fully automated rail system in the world. The Dubai World Central International Airport will become the largest airport in size when it is completed. It will also eventually become the busiest airport in the world, based on passenger volume. There are more construction workers in Dubai than there are actual citizens.

Source:Email.

Hindi Jokes-2!!

• कभि कभि मेरे दिल में खयाल आता है,
कभि कभि मेरे दिल में खयाल आता है,
आज नहिं आया,
कहा ना कभि कभि आता है...।

• टीचर क्लास में बच्चोको पढाते हुए: 'ए' फर?
क्लास: एप्पल ।
टीचर: फिर से, 'ए' फर?
क्लास: एप्पल
टीचर: जोर से बोलो
क्लास: जय माता दी!!!

• ऐसा है प्यार हमारा
मैं किश्ति तु किनारा,
मैं धनुष तु तीर
मैं मटर तु पनीर,
मैं बारिश तु बादल
मैं राजमा तु चावल,
मैं हट तु कूल
मैं अप्रिल तु फूल...हा हा हा!!

• लड्की: 'अगर तुम मुझे किस करनेकि कोशिश करोगे तो मैं शोर मचा दुङ्गी।'
लड्का: लेकिन यहाँ तो दूर-दूर तक कोइ नहीं है।
लड्की: मुझे पता है, लेकिन फर्मालिटि तो पूरी करनी पडेगी…

• खुदा बचाये हमें इन हसीनों से, नाजनीनों से, दिलनशीनों से, जशीनों से... पर इन्हे कौन बचाये हम कमीनों से...

• बिहारका पपुलेसन स्लोगन: "हम दो हमारे दो, उन्के बाद जितने भि हों, सबको पन्जाब और हरियाणा भेज दो।"

• शराब एक बिमारी है जो सारे समाज को खतम कर रहि है। आओ मिलकर इस बिमारी को खतम करें। एक बोतल तुम खतम करो, एक बोतल हम खतम करेंगे।

• शराबी आँख दान करने गया, काउन्टर पर क्लर्क ने पुछा:"कुछ कहेना चाहते हो?"
शराबी: "जिसे लगाओ, उसे बस इतना बता देना यह दो पेग के बाद खुलती है।"

• ओसामा बिग बी से: 'कैसे हैं?'
बिग बी: "बस, कभी खुशी कभी गम । और तुम?"
ओसामा: 'बस, कभी गोला कभी बम।'

• तुम हँसते रहो, हँसते रहो, हँसते रहो, हँसते रहो, मुस्कुराते रहो, सदा खिलखिलाते रहो, खुश रहो, मेरा क्या हैं लोग तुम्हे हि पागल कहेंगे! हा हा हा!